Date: 2009-11-21 23:18 Subject: Longing Security: Public

I look around my apartment and I am distracted by the unfinished painting on the easel... I am distracted by the unfinished knitting sitting on top of the knitting bag... I am distracted by the bills in the basket under my desk... I am distracted by the T.V. that I now have basic cable on... I am distracted by the dishes in the sink... I am distracted by the fact that I probably have a new movie from Netflix in my mailbox downstairs.... I am distracted by the back door to the building slamming closed every thirty seconds wonder who it might be... head in or head out.

Writing at home sucks. But I have managed to keep my head down and ear buds in long enough to reach 35k.... just 15,000 more words. When you put it THAT way... eep!

Date: 2009-11-14 12:03 Subject: Nano: Almost midway.... Security: Public

So having a laptop has made this exponentially easier, physically... especially one that doesnt weigh as much as the one I was lucky enough to borrow last year (thank you though Michael... it was very helpful during the hole couch hopping phase)... although I do think my back is starting to protest having a laptop bag thrown on it everyday to bike to work. On the other hand having a laptop does not make writers block any easier. Its portable, I can have it everywhere... even where the inspiration isn't and I feel like I should always be writing even when I just plain can't. Normally at this point I am so far ahead that I don't worry about my word count at all and I write in peace. Now I feel like I am grasping for an idea.... anything.... a plot twist, a character death, a spark, anything! I am writing flashbacks and over describing everything.

Okay I can't really blame the laptop. The laptop is great... not paid for, but great. I think it is because my past couple stories have reflect my life closely and it was just so easy to describe things that actually happened with little flares of what could have happened differently or how I would rather have had them turn out. This time i challenged myself. I allowed myself small details to reflect reality but the general story isn't. Im not homeless. I am not a drag queen. And I am not a man who has had his heart stomped on but can't help but fall inlove. Although I may have all these things in my life.... they arent me... or perhaps only in part me.

Anyways I am almost at the half why point. And tomorrow is the half way point of November. I would really love to be done before thanksgiving/my birthday... but I dont know. I guess I can count this in my word count so I oughta flip back to my word processor.

Date: 2009-11-07 20:17 Subject: Nano: 10,000 words!!! Security: Public

I just hit 10 k on my word count for Nano. I had a bad couple of days while I fought the grumpies... *I enjoy....* and not I am just battling the crampies *...being a girl*

I don't whanna lose steam by blabbing on too much here but my story seems to be about a homeless woman who finds a place to crash with a drag queen.... and she just met a nice man... who IS a nice man *and straight* BUT she doesn't trust him..... WHY IS THAT??? I don't even think *I* know....

More soon!

Date: 2009-10-30 01:03 Subject: Nanowrimo! Ahh!! Security: Public

So... I am horrible I am told for not updating this. I have been working on a couple things but not a lot since August.  Time just seems to fly by... SO fast that Nano is two days away and I didnt even realize that October was over.... and September.... jesus murphey mary and joseph where the hell did that month go? Did it even happen? Like really? Oh well. Its now... and now is the time to prepare with some sort of plot thought for Nano... and I have to say I think this year is going to be the kind that finds me making it up on the spot.

I have been nonchalontly pondering possible plots and while I have a penchant for art reflecting life.... I am trying to avoid that this year. Last year the main character worked in a book store. Year before her husband left her. Year before.... well it didnt really reflect life as the house came to life and tried to eat the main character after sucking all her creative juices from her but she was an artist and her husband did die.

So that last little bit about the husband dying never happened in real life... and honestly I dont remember why I wrote that it just..,. happened.

But yeah reflection of things I am close to.... you write what you know. Should I keep trying to do that? Sometimes it catches me up and I start forgetting that I am writing fiction... FICTION... this is Nanowrimo not NaBiWriMo....

Thoughts anyone?

Also if there is anyone else taking the leap with me let me know we can have a write in sometime if you in the area... its super fun and encouraging and there is actually a huge Twin Cities group that does it every year.

www.nanowrimo.org

Do it!
And for gods sake dont be afraid to comment here I only ask that if you dont have a livejournal let me know WHO you are.... because you will show up as Anonymous.... and I would like to know who my fans friends are.

Date: 2009-09-13 13:29 Subject: I petered out in August keep you updated BUT... Security: Public

... thanks to help I had from my closest companions and a determination to stay positive I had the most creative August I have had in 6 years. And that is including that August I hung my first show at the Blue Moon.

I just finished up the two paintings that I started beginning of August and I am proud of the way they have turned out.

Oh yeah and I am a painting.... priced at $1200. Kind of awesome.

Date: 2009-08-24 19:48 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

1. Did you do morning pages?

Its a little late but I am going to right now. I did them yesterday

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

Just riding back and forth. Yesterday I took the longest bike ride I have taken in a while.

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

I made meatloaf?

4. What did you do for your body today?

Rested....

Date: 2009-08-23 11:24 Subject: An Ode to My Mother. R.I.P. and days 16 through 23. Security: Public

So its been one of those weeks where you lose track of any goals and projects you have and you just grit your teeth and get through it. It wasn't horrible although I have to say the 16th/17th kind of sucked the life out of me creatively. I know that I should be at the point where I can look back at her life and really appreciate what she was like and what she did for me but I still get torn up at times. It was a huge turning point in my life and I think that is part of it. I can't fault myself for it but it has been 6 years. I had some help and a partner to look through some old photo albums which helped. The 16th I fell apart and the 17th I justed tried super hard to be up and up and up... which you know, method acting aside, seemed to work.( My mother was the one who introduced me to art...click here to read more )

1. Did you do morning pages?

Off and on through out the week, I scribbled whenever I had a moment and thought of it but alas I was not very diligent this past week. I know. But that happens sometimes and I am not going to beat myself up about it, WHICH I need to add is a big step for me. When I have a week like the last one where I have been scattered and not very centered I will often not bounce back from that and give up all together feeling like I will never get it... THIS time I am just starting over with a Sunday where I have already done morning pages and I still have the rest of the day ahead of me.

2. How did you enjoy the out doors this past week?

There was some out doors enjoyment this week. There was a bike ride down to the river to read in the park and a couple of more adventurous bike rides. Today there needs to be some grass.... or maybe a waterfall.

3. What did you do that was creative this past week (other then morning pages)?

Well after last weekend which had its distractions, I had packed up all the supplies to make room for a sleeping guest, I just yesterday unpacked and set up again BUT I did accomplish a lot yesterday. It was nice, there is colour on both pieces now.... this is the part that makes it seem like real art not just building the canvas even though the texture is one of the reasons why the colour does what it does.... colour makes all the difference is what I am trying to say. I will post pictures at some point.

Last Sunday I hung at the Blue Moon. Only a partial hanging, more will be going up in September, and then I will let you all know about the reception. Its a very cool show, clay masks very artfully done very different from anything I have hung there before.

4. What did you do for your body this past week?

Well. I captured a couple of pilates/yoga work outs. There was the bike rides of course but other then that and the normal running around work like mad that is kind of it.

Don't forget to visit:
www.shandaikurylo.com
If you have any comments shoot me an email there or you can comment here or on Facebook.

Date: 2009-08-16 00:16 Subject: Day 13,14 and 15 Security: Public

1. Did you do morning pages?

Yes, No and No. Friday and Saturday were just too hugely busy.

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

13th ummm... 14th Bite more of a bike ride then just to and from work..... 15th Does going to the horse track but staying inside but then runn in the rain to the car count? Its just too hot.

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

Im excited for my newest layers on the two painting I am working on. That has happened a little bit in the last two-three days.

4. What did you do for your body today?

Ran in the rain to the car? Walked at least 5 circles around MoA. Biked a bit. Perhaps I will get down and do some crunches right now. p.s. Wednesday ended up being bath day. It was waiting for me with candles so thats what I did for my body.... relaxed it thoroughly and utterly.

Date: 2009-08-12 17:34 Subject: Day 12 Security: Public

1. Did you do morning pages?

I have decided since I forgot to this morning I am going to do it now, here and then you can see a sample of the inner workings of my brain. If you are brave enough, ( Click here )

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

Days not done yet.... but there is always the superheat excuse. GOOD GOD!

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

I think this post will do... I was creative this morning before work too... it also looks like there is colouring in my future. And while I still ascribe to the idea that giving children colouring books may help with colour identification/coordination/theory but its not really all that artistically creative on its own but it helps the process.

4. What did you do for your body today?

I ran around at work a lot. That was good.... perhaps this evening will be something physically taxing.... but in this heat there will be no marathons.

Date: 2009-08-11 21:40 Subject: Day 9, 10, and 11? Wow I got behind. Security: Public

1. Did you do morning pages?

I did them today and Sunday I did however forget all about them yesterday. Not exactly sure what happened there. But if I get distracted by the Easel I forgive myself. Because that is the whole point :)

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

I went to the Uptown Art Fair on Sunday. That was awesome. At first I was disappointed because I went by myself and thought to maybe call around to see if anyone wanted to join me. I am, however, glad that I didn't because I forgot how great it is to move at your own pace. I saw far too many people looking annoyed with one another because someone wanted to stay and someone wanted to go, or maybe it was just that is was so damned hot everyone was a little cranky. I just put my ear buds in and moved at my own pace, I skipped the places that had nothing of interest to me at first glance and really sunk into the places that did (which were often booths that were deserted). I got through the whole thing in two hours (lots of pottery this year, which I love but you can only stop to see a bowl so often before you are bored of seeing them) which I great, I will count it as an artist date and see if I can't do another one this week. One of the most amazing booths and this one was PACKED was a man who did embroidery that when he finished it looked like a painting, it was that smooth. I am pretty sure he got best of the best in show. I could barely see anything there were so many people but of what I did, it was mind blowing. I was asked why I wasn't showing at the art fair and my immediate excuse was that I didn't have the money for the space for a tent. This is only partially the truth of course, I hear that the jury is a difficult one to get through because space is so limited and everyone wants in. We all hate rejection... but perhaps I could try for one of the lesser art fairs next year and work my way up. I also kind of feel like I don't have a singular voice yet. I am a little all over the map.... and I am not as polished as I would like to be to show to sell like that. That and I think I would have to work on getting more prints made. So much to d before next year.

Monday I am not sure I did anything outside besides go on a walk down that block and bike to and form work. Today is pretty much the same story.

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

Art fair Sunday. Layers on textured canvas Sunday and Monday.... today I am taking a moment to blog. We will pretend at this stage that still counts. It does.

4. What did you do for your body today?

Art fair Sunday and a bit more of a bike ride. Monday... umm.... oops. Today I did 20 minutes of pilates and ran around Barnes like mad.

Date: 2009-08-08 22:26 Subject: Days 7 and 8 Security: Public

This would have come sooner if livejournal hadn't time out on me a million times.


1. Did you do morning pages?

I did not do them yesterday as it was rather filled with so much activity I hadn't the time. I did write a bit more today to make up for it though. My mind has a tendency to go to a bad place more often if I don't do them. Odd. Its like a reassuring kick that everything is alright in the morning. All because I can give myself a chance to really talk things out with myself instead of sit around and panic because I cannot think clearly. I suppose that makes me sound a bit mad. I have been a bit of a nervous nancy as of late, with good reason (had a bit of unwanted news on thursday).

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

I went to Irish Fair yesterday and danced in a tent that was out of doors and then enjoyed the free DropKick Murpheys concert in the rain.... and because of that today the only thing that I enjoyed out of doors was a walk down the street to get a couple gallons of water with electrolites and some choclate ice cream. Its alright though. I hope to go to Uptoown art fair tomorrow if this blasted headache goes, so that'll be good.

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

Well, yesterday I performed on stage... I think that counts for sure.... especially when we screwed up and we had to think on our feet on how to mend it. Cleaned the apartment....which just helps me feel better about being creative does that count? Today, I spent a little time reading my Art history book aloud and I feel inspired to be a voice for audiobooks or do voice over or something. Other then that I took a nap... which I rarely do.... all not particularly creative but might help me get back there.

4. What did you do for your body today?

After yesterday I let it rest. And boy does it need it.

Date: 2009-08-06 21:38 Subject: Days 5 and 6 Security: Public

1. Did you do morning pages?

Yes. Both days.

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

Only when riding. There was just no time.

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

Yesterday I Ceili Danced... today I dreamed of ways to get myself out of debt.

4. What did you do for your body today?

Yesterday I danced.... today.... well I tried to let my body relax as much as possible. Its crampy time :(

Date: 2009-08-04 21:58 Subject: Day 4 Security: Public

1. Did you do morning pages?

Yes. I was half asleep for the first page and it aint even legible but it tightens up towards the end. Its a good way to wake up.... I even just grabbed my note book from the side of my bed and stayed there.

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

Bike rides seem to be my choice, went on a couple. I need to mix it up.

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

Another layer on the texture canvas and started on the hair canvas.

4. What did you do for your body today?

60 crunches, 20 sit ups and otherwise biked. Im trying to let my joints relax they are sore.

Date: 2009-08-03 22:19 Subject: August Plan.... in practice already... mostly. Security: Public

So, without going into to too much detail I am just going to say that something bad has happened between July 31st and September 1st, to me or a loved one... for years... 6 years is as far back as I can remember this being true, maybe its been longer, I don't know. And lets face it when a parent dies you remember the things that happen around the time of the anniversary of their death, or at least I do because I never got a chance to say good bye the way I wanted to and yet I watched her die, and I have been looking for a way to make it better ever since. Maybe it is psychological, maybe I am just as lucky every other month of the year and I just don't notice.... but it seems like every August since mom died... shit piles up bad stuff happens. And to make it worse.... and this is not me dwelling and feeling sorry for myself, honest to god I am just stating facts.... the last couple years I have done things very good in August to try and switch out the bad vibes for good ones and every time it seems like its thrown back in my face with something equal and opposite. For example, I have an art show, I am at my opening waiting for my boyfriends family to show up. His mother who is excited to come be at the reception and spend some time with her Son who is shipping off to Iraq (don't getting me starting on THAT) and his girlfriend whom she is very proud of and has vowed to take care of while he is gone FALLS in the tub because she is in a hurry and smashes her face in. We spend the rest of the night in the hospital. I have more.... but I wont do that to you.

So... lets say August is not the month for grand gestures. August is the month to take a little bit of nice out of every day and keep small goals of creativity because as we all know the greatest form of love is creation. Starting August 1st I am vowing that I will try and do something that answers all of these questions (all things that are creative and/or stimulate creativity) in a positive way, elaborating when I can, and I will report back here and hope that someone out there cares enough to SMACK me if I don't:

1. Did you do morning pages?
2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?
3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?
4. What did you do for your body today?


And I may add questions as I go (I am thinking about: 5. What did you do for your mind taday?)..... but I am taking it easy for the first week. Keeping it primal.

Now Augusts start was 3 days ago so I have some Catching up to do:




Saturday, August 1, 2009

1. Did you do morning pages?

I did in fact. I did them at work, in the afternoon because the morning ended up being filled with a flurry of other activities and I completely forgot. But I did them none the less.

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

Well nothing out of ordinary but I hope make this more important as the month goes on. I did bike to work, and home. I love the view of Minneapolis coming down 3rd Ave.

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

The mornings activities were pretty creative, it was collaborative, there was music and dance, and a good time was had by all involved. Pretty successful I think. (its kind of a super secret project of sorts)

4. What did you do for your body today?

Same answer.




Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

1. Did you do morning pages?

Yes, and it wasn't too far after getting up, which is what they are suppose to be.

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

I went on a what... was it 12 to 14 mile bike ride. Lasted a little over an hour and barring the little accident I had at one of the stops it was good. No worries it was actually kind of funny. Lets just say my riding partner has a lump on his shin now, and while I felt bad for the first day I am over it. I got a pretty awesome scrape too. Shit happens.

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

I started a textured canvas! This excites me because I have yet to pain in my new apartment and my easel has been staring at me with sad eyes since I finally got settled in. Its been neglected for months now because I hated working in the basement in the last place. This is a good start. Its just gesso and bits of cloth but I am already happy with it. One of my favorite things in the world is to see paint on my skin. I always work with my hands, especially starting out with a texture. Tools just get in the way in the beginning. I want to feel the paint, I want to feel all the little slippery edges that will catch colour when it comes. Mmmm :)

4. What did you do for your body today?

See answer for question 2 :)... and twenty minutes of pilates.




Monday, August 3rd, 2009

1. Did you do morning pages?

Umm.... *sweats a little* its going to be a little more of a Night Recap today. I will do them when I get off of here.

2. How did you enjoy the out doors today?

Bike ride again to and from work.... I think after the first week this will count but there has to be more then that. I did also bike to the clinic and home. Had a couple of really good hills in there. Up AND down. Took a route I thought I would enjoy more. I like the drive past the MIA at night, all lit up and colourful. I would have through the park on the way home but its not lit at all. Note to self: GO to the MIA, SOON!

3. What did you do that was creative today (other then morning pages)?

Well, I am writing this post. And if that doesn't count I did Ceili Dance for two hours.

4. What did you do for your body today?

Yeah.... Ceili dance, intensive and FUN. We are performing Friday night at Irish Fair! Come one come all! I can post more details if there is an interest I just don't know them all (schedules are still being worked out)



So, there. The first three days of August have come to a close, no big disasters, *knocks on wood*. If anyone has any suggestions on creative things to do, I may also be adding an Artist Date in weekly. Which is two hours, by yourself, doing something you havent done before or rarely do. Please I am all ears, just remember there are limited funds.... it could even be a great trail you know of to bike/walk on or a shop you love. You can relay them on facebook as well as here.

Date: 2009-07-24 18:39 Subject: What would you think about standing still and naked infront of a crowd? Security: Public

It wasn't a dream and I had been there before; and no one was pointing and laughing, quite the contrary. In fact I could almost say that I have never been thanked so much for being naked before in my life but I think that would be taking it a bit too far, don't you?

Standing in a contrapposto stance, staying as still as one can muster without stopping breath completely you start to really think. And I don't mean just about your day. You think about your body, more then anyone ever needs to think about their body. Not in a bad way. Just in a way that reminds you of muscles you never thought you had, or atleast needed reminding about.

"Ooh, thats interesting," you think, "Pins and needls there? Thats never happened before."

Don't get me wrong, its rewarding work. Every once in a great while I would fake a glimpse in the direction of sketchpads and drawing boards around the room whilst on break (no doubt working the feelin back into a limb) and catch some amazing work that couldn't possibly be me. Me transformed maybe, into a piece that usually (not always) fails to capture the birthmark, the surgery scars, the goosebumps and any other countless less-then-perfect (but really likely only in my mind) attribute that my body may have. The great thing is that is the only way you know what the pose looked like because unless your in a dance studio (which has happened) with eyes all around your head there is no way of knowing what angle they might see you at. And you sit there hoping they are generous or tasteful in what they include.

They part you hope they don't notice is the fact by the end of the pose (especially a difficult/long one) your muscles start to tremble just a little bit.

"Please lord let it not be visable..." There are just certain parts of my body, rounder parts, that when relaxed could be very... active once the shakes start in.... a veritable ocean, one might say. Maybe more like a pond as ducks are taking off.

Not everyones rendition of Shandai on stool are open to look at. I never ask. I only peak but some are very protective of what they have done. This makes me wonder if they had liked the position, if it wasn't long enough and they hadn't the chance to finish, or if they are just like me and have a hard time letting anyone see something I am so attached to for fear that criticism may come next. Last time I sat in a co-op (MCAD, Monday nights, $5) as an artist I was a hider. I sat in the corner and huddled over my sketchbook as though it were a little match keeping me warm and I didn't want to share. I didn't dislike what came of that sitting I just didn't want to welcome any prying eyes that may. I think that might be because of all the over critical teachers I had through school, what was it... "fuzzy bannana lines" was actually a comment I got once for a sketch I did once. NEVER again! But digress... I understand being protective. Like in all art, painting, drawing, writing,  you don't want to be discouraged when you have barely gotten started. Every once in a while I will get someone proud to show me their work.... and thats awsome too!

Date: 2009-07-17 18:52 Subject: Just the other evening.... Security: Public

... I had some time to myself so I finally hung all my paintings up in my new studio apartment. It was nice to get them all up off of the floor (all the canvas ones anyways). My place looks like a Victorian art museum, back when they filled the walls from floor to ceiling with paintings with not a shred of wall to be seen. Contemporary art galleries be damned... there is no space to think between them! Who needs space. I actually kinda like it. Its like a room full of me.... all me... only me.... Jesus I sound narcissistic but hell, its my apartment, no? What I really need to do is find another venue to hang at. Any ideas from the crowd?

I started doing morning pages again. I don't remember it being this difficult to find the time. When I was married (when I did Artist Way the first time) my life just wasn't as action packed. I had more time to do pretty much anything back then, but I didn't. I didn't do anything. Which I guess would make sense that I had all the time. I worked, I cooked/cleaned for us and ate, I watched whatever shows we were addicted to for the evening and then I would go to bed and do it again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Every once in a while we threw a massage in there, usually at Anniversary time, and the occasional party with friends... but really I never made use of time at all. One thing I do remember starting to do, closer to the end of our relationship, was taking a walk to the pond/park that was behind our apartment building, sitting by the water back by a tree I had claimed and taking dozens of pictures of everything.
I feel like I am not close enough to nature anymore, even when I first moved to Minneapolis I was only ten blocks from West River Parkway. Now I am a stones throw from Downtown and Uptown, sandwiched between the two. Nature is what inspires me the most even when painting an abstract. There are a couple of parks that I really need to start making more use of close by (Steven's Square and MIA) but they are not scruffy enough.... they are all landscaped and perfect (well meant to be perfect, I don't suppose the plan was to have a currently unabodeless person napping on every bench but what do I know). Better then nothing I suppose. Better then complete asphalt jungle (not that there isn't a lot one can find inspirational observing the color that occurs in every day life on Nicollet Mall) where green is a color that brings out ones eyes rather then ones air.
Morning pages are supposed to get me motivated to go do more... because when you are constantly writing about the same things (stream of consciousness) over and over again you get bored. You need to fill the image pool a bit more. Right now its just super easy to write about the recent dramatic turns my life has taken, which is therapeutic no doubt, but I am waiting for that to pass. Once I have written about something enough, not only has it helped me to get over it emotionally (kinda like talking something out with a shrink, except cheaper) I also get over it artistically and then my mind screams, "Something else! Please!" Something sparkling and pretty, something deliciously scary, something fun, something that is not the cobwebs and skeletons that are far too often the main event in my head.


www.shandaikurylo.com
www.artistsway.com

Date: 2009-06-06 21:17 Subject: A definite success! Security: Public

I want to thank absolutely everybody who came to the show last night. I was so encouraged to see so many people make an effort to come out and see me and my paintings at The Neighborhood Show even if they had already seen my work in the past. I had lost my confidence a little recently and I really needed it THANK YOU! And thank you to everyone I know who couldn't make it but sent warm fuzzies.

Remember you can still come see everything, its hanging until the end of the month (the 28th)
Gallery hours: Thursday - Sunday 1-5 p.m.
For more information: www.stevensarts.org

Seriously I am crying because you all made it so worth it!

Shandai

Definite

Date: 2009-06-02 22:45 Subject: Writing and Hanging Security: Public

So I slowed down a little bit on the full force writing thing but it always lingers in my mind and I am still doing morning pages so thats good. I wrote another poem today, short one. I have yet to decide if these are things that I will share or not. Some of them are very personal and  might be more suited to less public realm. Went to the writers salon on Saturday at the Town Hall Brewery. I keep forgetting that lack of hair requires sun screen but in my defense I didn't know that we to sit outside. A friend and I  posed a good question and that was How do you measure success? or  rether is there an end point in which you can then say "Yes I am a success. I think for painting it is that a stranger chooses a piece of mine off a gallery wall without knowing who I am, where Iam from... knows nothing about my story and never meets me and hangs it on their wall simply becaus ethe art alone speaks to them. Then I would be a success. Discuss at will what yours woiuld be.

Tonight was great. I really enjoyed working with Chris hanging the art for the show that I am in. OPENS FRIDAY RECEPTION 7 to 10.... nudge nudge...www.stevensarts.com  . It was nice to have a fellow artist and curator to work beside and we had a lot of the same ideas, which was awseome. He is a photographer and we actually ended up hanging his work to the right of mine (if you happen to go).. We were discussing my modeling for him sometime. We thought maybe it would good to do a shoot while my head was shaved, because I may never do this again. And we discussed taking a picture of my back tattoo for my own purposes. The last person that I posed in front of lens for was suppose to show me some pictures he had taken of it and that was meant to be my payment but it has yet to happen.  I am starting to get excited about this though. I have the post cards and everything. And my name is on them :) Simple pleasures :)

Date: 2009-05-30 00:50 Subject: Modelling and Melting Security: Public

Last night I posed for a co-op at the Northrup King building. It had been a while since I posed last, and I am glad that I retained the traditional (or atleast traditional for me) ritual pilates, stretching and hot bath before hand. I think if I hadn't prepoared myself a little bit (thankfully i had the day off) I would be a lot more sore today. I also came home and ate directly afterwards so that helped as well.

The room had changed from last I saw it, more colourful and filled with art this time. Framed and unframed, bright and pale, giant full sized pieces all the way down to a tiny canvas that must have only been 2 inches squared. I suspect this was because of the recent art-a-whirl that I am disappointed not to have made it to this year. I got a chance to look as some of it during the breaks but mostly it was a blur as nude means sans spectacles as well as sans everything else that is worn on ones body. It is interesting trying to focus on a point on the wall/floor when everything is fuzzy to you and after thirty minutes that fuzzy starts to morph into different shapes and sizes. Soon you realize that your left foot has gone numb and you are sure that you still have ten minutes left in the pose and despite the prickles you must do your best to keep still. There was one closed pose I did that should have been a breeze but the room had gotten warm and I didn't support my one arm well enough. I was unware when I got into the pose that we were moving to 30 minutes and almost right away I was worried that it would be too challenging. I melted. I moved. I shook. It was embarrasing. I sweated, wherever skin was touching skin became this moist patch that was slippery and soon there was no support at all. I tensed one end to support the other and vise vera until I could no longer stand it. I apologized and I promised to get back into the position if only I could just take a moment, a sharp pain in my back was starting to make me feel nausious.... alas I had made it two minute before the bell and they let me rest.

I don't remember it ever being that hard, and I took special care for the rest of the thirty minute poses to be comfortable and relaxed. At the end of the session I was sure I would have gotten complaints but as I looked around some of the best pieces were from that one pose and at that I felt slightly redeemed. Was it all in my head? I felt like I was falling part and even K mentioned that I had moved a bit. Obviously it was not enough to affect the overall experience for everyone else so I left pleased and little richer then I had been. Everyone thanked me graciously as they packed up to leave, some more then once, which made me feel appreciated and that helped as well.
 
If anyone ever tries to tell me that it is easy money, I will bid them give it a go and see if their tune doesn't change.

Date: 2009-05-27 12:20 Subject: Drop off Security: Public

I dropped my work off at the little Gallery that I am showing at last night. I still find it strange putting prices on things. Will I ever get used to it? If I want to start selling things as much as I would need to have art become a monetary support to me I will need to be more prolific and better about getting it out there into places where people can see it. I can just see my little studio filling to the brim with paintings and them never getting out anywhere for people to see. I can't think like that though. An effort needs to be put in.

I don't want art to become FOR that though. Its okay if it becomes that on its own, but I still want art to be for Art's sake, you know? I have been reading Julia Cameron's Right to Write lately and it has been really speaking to me on more levels then just as a writer. She really believes in Synchronicity. I want to take that leap so badly but I am afraid of where I am going to fall. Will it be nicely in a net that suspends me from the sharp rocks that await if I miss it completely? But that is the whole point isn't it? Leaping, and praying that its the right thing to do. Its the same thing with moving out on my own. Good god am I scared, but I can't expect anyone to hold my hand anymore you know? Not that I don't appreciate all the kind people that have held me hand, anyone local reading this has a good chance at having saved me... and please good god still be there when I feel alone and helpless... but its time to move on and become the independent woman that I am meant to be.

I'm shaking.

Links:

This is where the show is in June. Please come to the reception: June 5th 7 to 10 p.m.

www.stevensarts.org/


AND Thanks to Steve my web guy my website is back full of art again!! YAY!! THANKS STEVE!

www.shandaikurylo.com